My blessings are many!
Our day began early as I
caught a warm little body next to me in my bed @ about 5:30am and I con-
{This was not something that I ever dealt with when Lloyd was young as he was breastfed until almost 2 when he stopped on his own (by then it was just a feeding before bed) and at 2 we bought him a race car bed, anounced that it was where big 2 year olds slept and he never returned to our bed. Emeraude however stopped breastfeeding at 8 months for a variety of reasons, all of which I now regret, her young life had many uncertainties. Her father left when she was just 11 months old. Then when she was just 13 months, I was ill and hospitalized (I swore to never let that happen again and to date have been fortunate enough to keep that promise in spite of recomendations at times that I return to hospital) for almost a week, 1/2 of which I was in Thunder Bay and she did not see me. Although Tante Nancy cared for her very well and I couldn’t have wished for her to be in better hands that was only during the day, I won’t go into the details of the rest of it as they are unecessary but needless to say those things and situations that have followed cannot be ignored as contributing to our current situation and the insecurities she suffers from at night and in daily situations. I knew with Lloyd that we were setting him up for independance with the choices we made (we slept with us in bed until the race car speech), I believed very strongly that if you give a baby the attention/coddling they require when they are a baby, it breeds independance later and they are more secure/confident children having had there emotional needs met as babies when it is appropriate. Lloyd proved that to be true because his needs were always met and the first 3 yrs (which we know now from so many studies that the government even sponsors programs targetted at the first 3 and first 6 years) for him were very predictable and stable and he had his family intact. Emeraude unfortunately seems to also be proving the truth in those theories but because of the opposite, her little life has had much instability, irregularity and little respect shown for what I knew, as her mother, to be her needs.}
tinue to transfer her to her bed when this occurs. Normally, she will call for me and I go, help her if she needs use the washroom (this is rare at night, apparently she has the bladder of an adult hee hee), tuck her in again and reassure her letting her know she must continue in her bed. She had slept very well through the night in her bed before Christmas, it had been however about 3 weeks since her father had asked for her to spend the night. She slept over at Daddy’s house one night after that time and I tried to emphasize to him the importance of consistency and why it was imperative that he neither put her to sleep in his bed nor bring her into it at night. Unfortunately, my requests fell on deaf ears, he gave in somewhere in the early morning hours and since that time I have not had a full night’s sleep.
{This is something I will do my best not to delve into in great detail as the intent of this blog is to share about our family unit here at home (Emeraude, Lloyd & I – maybe even Silver too) but invariably it becomes necessary to include information of her time at Daniel’s house, as the consequences/repurcussions of decisions made there on Emeraude and therefore all of our lives, are quite real (and often frustrating when they are negative and could be avoided if my wishes were respected)}
After transferring her to her own bed, this was no small feat as I was having a great deal of difficulty walking and experiencing a great deal of pain, I returned to my own. It was only a few minutes however before I would here her calling/crying out for me and so returned the 30 steps or so (which often feel like a marathon) to her room… She needed to use the washroom, the next time it was just a need for reassurance and tucking in, a request for music which of course was denied (she enjoys music at bedtime, 5:30am however is not bedtime lol) by 6am however she finally fell asleep and I managed a full hour more of sleep before it was time to wake up.
Morning is here and it is not long before
brother comes down to help. Emeraude & I had been carried away by a new book she recieved for Christmas from G.Grandma & Poppy Tourout the night before and bedtime had been late so she was a little cranky. Lloyd of course took it in stride, suggested I try and get some more rest and took over involving little sister (she insists he call her big sister *giggle*) in choosing and making breakfast.
I woke up again around 9am, in a lot of pain, to the voices of very happy kids playing together. Our house has a lot of room thanks to 3 floors but each floor isn’t very big on it’s own, meaning the audio is quite clear from one room to the other. It took only a few minutes for Emeraude to realize I was awake (??? I don’t know how but she always does) and came to wish me good morning and quickly fill me in on the adventures they were having,
{Since Lloyd has been on vacation this type of morning has been quite routine; Friday I am scheduled to begin my steroids however and so Monday when he goes back to school Emeraude & I should be able to get back on track with our home schooling schedule.}
they were numerous and complicated and I felt a little tired just trying to keep up with her energetic telling of them. I planned to go to public skating later in the afternoon, I had a bit of work to do on the computer. Lloyd let me know she was still quite tired and offered to make an early lunch to ensure she had time to nap before we would go skating.
I called my Mom for a ride to the hospital as soon as convenient for her. I left as Lloyd was explaining plans for lunch/nap/skating to Emeraude and because the hospital was very busy, did not return until she was already sleeping, or so we thought…
My girl never did end up napping although she spent until 14h more or less (mostly less haha) in her bed. I had time while she was napping to tidy up the kitchen, wash myself and prepare our skating clothes & bag. about 30 minutes later we were on our way to the arena.
Public Skating this afternoon was wonderful! Emeraude real-
ly enjoyed herself and her progression is absolutely unbeleivable! She was very happy that her new friend Annie was in attendance, watching her brothers who were the only other people skating. Such nice boys, friendly, polite and very fond of each other which makes them enjoyable to be around. Emeraude who is usually quite uncertain of kids that age (maybe between 7 & 10) that she is not familiar with warmed up to them right away when we were sliding yesterday and was glad that they were at the rink today.
More Spectators at the areana…
Mom & Dad arrived after we had been skating for only about 5 minutes and Emeraude was quick to start showing her skills. As we skated she would lift one leg (knee bent, foot out behind her) gliding with it in the air. She is not yet confident enough to try this without my hand although I am certain she would manage it as her balance is quite impressive. Equally impressive was her confidence on the ice. It may had been different had there been more people on the ice but with just Nate & Andre she felt comfortable skating on her own even (I had to ‘take a break’ on the benches to have her enjoy it, otherwise she would only skate at arms reach away from me and quite cautiously but when I was off sitting, she skated clear across the ice to wave @ her grandparents!)
I thouroughly enjoyed the entire hour as we:
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practiced skating backwards
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practiced our ‘bubbles’
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played follow the leader
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played train – Emeraude towing me of course
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tried many new skills
it was just wonderful! I laughed alot and the rink was a comfortable temperature. We had only worn tights under jeans and this was enough to be warm although neither of us fell and I did remind Emeraude that for her lessons, ski pants would be necessary as she must fall often to learn new skills.
I had seriously overdone it and took a trip to the hospital immediately afterwards {see note titled Dec31MS). Arriving home at 17h30 we were welcomed by Lloyd. I was frustrated that the empty garbage cans had been left by the curb and it seemed he had not made any efforts in the house since returning from skiing & snowmobiling, this made for some unecessary aggression on my part – blowing the importance of these tasks out of proportion, and hind sight being 20/20 I would have approached the topics more diplomatically. Thankfully, Lloyd took care of the cans and some deep snow on the back path quickly and we got to the task of moving on & choosing supper. I had to get the fish & chips in the oven while the kids set the table as Mom was returning once again to bring me to the emerg.
Lloyd had also enjoyed his afternoon. A few of them had met at Kody’s house and decided to go no further, climbing the hill in Kody’s back yard to ski & snowboard all afternoon. I really enjoy the way he & his friends seem to find themselves fun activities that are complete age appropriate and still ‘cool’ in their eyes. At 14 I realize he could be making very different choices regarding how he spends his free time and feel very blessed at his good judgement to date. Hoping it will follow him through his teen years!
While I was at the ER the kids took supper out of the oven & ate. I was dissapointed to have missed sitting & chatting with them for supper and it reminded me again of my unecessary grouchiness when I had arrived earlier. This had been a wasted opportunity to hear about Lloyd’s day in more detail and I made a mental note hoping to learn from this mistake so as not to repeat it. I had picked up a couple movies returning from the hospital and after a great deal of time wasted trying to get the DVD player working on the new television in the living room, we decided to head up to LLoyd’s room with “Tinkerbell”. I made popcorn and a plate of baked treats for us to share.
It was a really nice way to end the day. Emeraude laying between Lloyd and I and all three of us quite exhausted from our day. We had some good laughs and of course significant discussions started by Emeraude about the good & bad choices made by the various fairies on the movie. When it was done, Lloyd carried his sister back down the stairs, I kissed her goodnight and tucked her in. Lloyd was eager to get some sleep, I think he is still doing alot of healing from his ankle injury (the cast was only taken off 3 days ago and his ankle is causing discomfort still) which of course requires more sleep than he has had the opportunity to get. Hopefully by Sunday I will have had enough steroids to be up and active bright & early and allow him his last day of holiday to sleep in much too late.
Today I am thankful for….
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for healthy, helpful children who love each other a great deal
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for grandparents that realize their value as a cheering squad
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for living in a place where the ER is rarely as busy as it was tonight
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for a Mother & Father willing to taxi me on a moments notice any time they are available
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for a freezer/fridge full of enough food that I can miss a scheduled trip to the grocery without worrying about food for supper
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for living in a town where my biggest gripe today was that the ski hill couldn’t open until Saturday
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for having legs that can be easily made useful, today with only a few injections
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for having been raised to value the short time I have while my kids are young and enjoy it everyway I can
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for another year with my kids and the priviledge to watch them grow & develop every day
